Happy Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada. It's cold and rainy, but we've been pleasantly surprised with a full weekend. We got back from Indiana late Thursday night. So Friday we slept in and then Kendall made waffles for breakfast. We spent the day cleaning up and went grouse hunting in the evening. (No luck this time.) It was a good day, but by Friday night Kendall and I were both battling some depression. For one thing, Saturday was opening day for moose season. That had a big effect on Kendall. He isn't able to hunt moose this year because although he is a citizen, he isn't considered a resident for a few more months. So it would have been very expensive for him to go. I knew Thanksgiving was coming up and Kendra was pulling together a get-together for people who want to and don't have another place to go. Well, it turned out that 50 people responded favorably to her email. So the only place she could have it was the church basement. That was really disappointing to me because I was so looking forward to being with a smaller group (whoever it would have been) in a home setting. And I was picturing it being during the day. But now it's more like a church potluck in the fellowship hall. That can feel fairly lonely. So Friday night the weekend looked empty except for a big church get-together Monday night.

But Saturday ended up being a great day. Kendall and the boys cleaned up some stuff outside. Then we packed a lunch and went canoeing. It was supposed to rain, but the rain held off the whole time we were out. Part of the time the sun was almost shining. It was fairly chilly and by the time we got back to the car, the boys were very cold. Eli was talking about how cold he was and said, "I wonder what God's up to!" Then we drove around looking for grouse again and revisited our favorite old house site. It's a place where apparently there was a house before. The house is gone, but old windows are stacked against trees. There are sheets of metal lying around. We found a birdcage, remnants of a baby crib, several bird houses, fencing, an old cooking pot, an outhouse on its side and lots of other things that are just fun to look at. There are a lot of license plates from the 60s and 70s. So we took a couple more windows. I have some crafty plans for them. That evening we made a pizza and joined Kendra, Dave and Sarah at Kendra's house. We sang happy birthday to the boys and gave them a cake Kendall had made for them. After supper we played Settlers and Eli and Evan played with Kendra's toys. It turned out to be a really good day.

Sunday after church a family invited us over for Thanksgiving dinner after church. We ended up being there all afternoon. They have a son that Eli and Evan had a blast with. In the evening Keith and Jenni called and invited us over for pizza. So we ended up having a very full and fun day.

By Sunday night it had been a surprisingly good weekend so far. We had gotten invited 2 places that day and I was so grateful for that. I really felt like God was providing for us… so don't ask me why I had a major meltdown then. Actually, I have a few ideas. First of all, like I mentioned earlier, this was opening weekend for moose season. Kendall can't hunt, but he would have loved to go out with some other guys. We had both made the decision that he wouldn't this weekend, but I knew it was hard on him. At the risk of turning every northern hunter against me, it just felt overwhelming for me to have him gone during this weekend. We had just been apart for a week and I had a hard time saying goodbye in Indiana. Eli seemed somewhat fragile for the first day or two we were back. It just seemed like family time was what we needed. (In my defense, we are planning that Kendall will join some other men for a moose hunt in a couple weeks. He will probably be gone overnight then and a week or two after that he is planning on going deer hunting in another community. That trip he will most likely be gone 2 or 3 nights.) So I'm not all against moose hunting- This particular weekend just looked long and empty and lonely. It may sound silly, but it looked like more than I could do to have him gone. As a side note, this hunting subject has always been a difficult one for us. (Some of you have listened to extensive discussion from us on this subject.) I know it's important to Kendall- it's much more than killing a deer (or goose or grouse or moose or bear or whatever it may be). It's a bigger experience than that. I respect its importance for Kendall, but don't really understand it. Somehow this subject usually brings up a mixture of guilt and anger for me. On one hand, I want Kendall to be able to hunt. It's good for him. Being outside hunting makes him happy. But I have such a hard time understanding the pull it has for him. And sometimes it just looks so big to have him gone on a Saturday or an evening. So I want him to go for his sake and yet I don't want to be left at home taking care of the boys and doing all the same things I do all day long. Ahhh!!! To sum it all up…Pray for us! It's hard to accept that this is still a struggle for us after 8 years of being married. But I do think we're learning through it, even if it's still one of our touchy subjects.

So, that was one reason for my meltdown last night- I felt bad that Kendall hadn't gone hunting and afraid that he was angry at me. Also, it was probably remnants of my feelings about going home to Indiana and then coming home to Red Lake. In a way, I was excited to dig into life in Red Lake again. We had a good time at both places we had spent time at yesterday. I'd say we were fairly comfortable with both families, but of course it wasn't like family or friends we had known for years. Like I told Kendall, it was one thing to hang out with new friends in Goshen. Then we knew we could be with family or old friends the next night. Kendall agreed and said, "Here this is all there is." For now. I realize that. And it has gotten a lot better. But how I would love to be sitting in Grandma and Grandpa's or Nana and Papa's living room on Thanksgiving Day. So there are a couple things that went into my meltdown last night.

I'm okay now. I think tears are helpful every now and then. I don't cry easily, so maybe this year with its happiness and sadness is loosening up my capacity to cry. :)

This morning Kendall took the boys grouse hunting (no luck this time either) and I decided to stay home and clean up the messy house. It was nice to have some quiet time and I even fit in a conversation with my mom and a walk by myself. During Evan's nap Kendall played Legos with Eli and I went over to Kendra's apartment and played piano. Now Kendall and I are going to play Rummikub while the boys watch a movie then I'll make sweet potatoes for the dinner tonight. So we're okay and I'm hopeful that struggle with hunting will serve to make us stronger. But I was serious about pray for us. :) Even if I put a smiley face there.