Grateful and Sad

Yesterday was the day of the fateful eye surgery.  Mom and Dad got here Monday, so Tuesday morning after Kendall got home from night shift, we took of for Winnipeg.  No kids.  We had fun Tuesday afternoon and evening.  Wednesday morning we went for a nice breakfast and were at the hospital by 9:00.

Before long I was in the chair as nervous as could be.  They tipped me back and started prepping me for surgery.  The surgery was traumatic.  All I was given was a local anesthetic, so it was a lot like being at the dentist, except way worse.  You know how you look away from scary instruments and needles?  Well, that's a little difficult when it's the eye that's being worked on and they keep telling you to open your eye.  Yes, those instruments of torture healing loomed large in my vision as they neared my eye.  The sound of snipping and the smell of cauterizing right by my nose were sickening.  I won't go into greater detail, but it was horrible. 

Finally they covered my eye and took the piece they removed down to pathology to have it tested.  If we heard back that it was all clear, then they would take me in and do the reconstruction.  If the lab said that the cancer was at the edge of the piece, then I would go back in for round two.  They would do that as often as they needed to in order to get it all.  I sat in a waiting area.  When they brought Kendall in, he asked how it was.  I just started crying. 

We waited an hour or so until I heard the phone ring.  The nurse picked it up.  I heard her say, "Negative?  So it's all clear?  Great!"  Thank you, Jesus!  And soon I was back on the chair having my eyelid put back together.  They had to put in some local anesthetic again, but I was still mostly numb, so the needle was less traumatic that time.  The stitches were not nice at all, but less sickening that the cutting.  And the string tickled my face.  By the way.

My eye is not stitched closed.  Thank you, Jesus, again!  The nurse told Kendall that they took around half an inch out.  Somehow, they were able to pull it closed. 

We got home and a group of fellow pirates greeted me at the door.  That cheered me up.  I was happy to see my kids again!

After supper we took off the bandage.  I was not prepared for what was underneath.  I was terribly disappointed to see the results of the reconstruction.  My eye does not look nice.  I couldn't believe it when I looked in the mirror.  I know we aren't yet seeing the final result.  There is redness, swelling and stitches that won't be there.  But it will look quite different.

The boys were also unprepared for what they saw.  It seemed to shake them.  If I would have known how it was going to look, I would not have removed the bandages in front of them.  Kendall, on the other hand, was quite relieved with what he saw.  I didn't know, but he had spoken with our family doctor and she had talked about all that could go wrong. 

So, I am thankful that the surgery went as well as it did.  I am grappling with how it changed my eye and trying to accept that.  I am concerned about the boys.  One of them quietly said it was creepy.  When I reassured him that it would get better, he wondered if it would be better by the time we go to church.  It will be something for them to get used to too.

I am thankful that I am comfortable enough with who I am that this doesn't destroy me, but it is a loss.  I am thankful that it was taken care of with a simple (though traumatic) surgery and will not have long-term effects on my health.  I am thankful that it was only my eyelid and doesn't affect my vision.  I am thankful that it was me and not one of my kids.  I have so much to be thankful for and I don't want to lose sight of that. 

I am sad.  I am grateful.

Arrrrgh, Matey!

Thank you to this wonderful group of pirates who welcomed me at the door when I got home from my eye surgery last night!  (2 happy, grandparently pirates, 2 mean and scary pirates and 1 baby pirate who's not so happy with the eye patch situation.)

Here Kendall takes off my eye patch for the first time last night.  He was relieved to see it looking so "good."

I had been squeezing Kendall's knee while he took off the tape.  Evan didn't want me to do that, so he took my hand and held it.  At first I was gently holding it, then I decided "Well, if he wants me to squeeze his hand, I'll squeeze for all it's worth!"  Here Kendall got impatient with gently taking off the tape and gave it a final rip!

My Superhero, Poop and Scalpels

Dawn's first light this morning revealed an incredibly handsome specimen of a man shirtless in our backyard.  I would have taken a photo, but I am not sure the studmuffin would have appreciated it.

You see, he was being my superhero and saving the day, but in order to do that, he was reaching into a pit of poop.  Literally.

He took off his shirt so that it wouldn't get dirty and reached into the septic tank to pull out the clogged filter.  I felt very bad for him.  And very grateful.  I had asked him if he wanted my help.  He offered me $200 to do it, but then retracted his offer and said he wouldn't let me do it.  (My offer to help was a mere formality, so that was a close call.)

Anyway, Kendall saved the day.  The basement has an aroma of poop now, though, so that has us concerned.  But my parents are getting here today and tomorrow morning Kendall and I are leaving for 2 days, so I guess any new sewage issues won't be our problem.  (Just kidding, Dad.)

Speaking of poop, what is it with boys and poop?!  The other night after bedtime, Eli and Evan were in their room giggling and giggling.  Finally, Evan ran out to the living room and threw a whole bunch of folded papers at us and said, "Look what Eli did!" and ran back to his room before he could get in trouble.  We unfolded all the papers to see drawing after drawing of poop.  I just don't get it.

Also, speaking of Kendall and me leaving for a couple days, I should give an update on something that's been going on with my eye.  I have had a weird bump on my lower eyelid for a couple years.  Finally, a month ago it was diagnosed as basal cell carcinoma, a form of skin cancer.  Basal cell carcinoma is not as scary as the word "cancer."  I am having the lump removed on Wednesday in Winnipeg.  After that, it should be taken care of.  No further treatment should be needed.

The major part of this surgery for me is the reconstruction involved.  It doesn't sound pretty and there is a possibility of having my eye stitched closed for 2 months.  So we'll see what happens.  Maybe I'll be a pirate for Halloween.  And U.S. Thanksgiving.  And Advent.

At first after I got the diagnosis and information about removal and reconstruction, I was angry.  Why my eye?  I kind of like my face the way it is.  But since then, I've mostly been grateful.  I'm so grateful that it doesn't appear to be life-threatening.  I'm so thankful that treatment will not involve things like radiation or chemo.  And I'm so thankful that it will probably be done with in a short time.

Anyway, I would appreciate prayers on Wednesday morning.  I would love if it would be a simpler reconstruction and my eye wouldn't be stitched closed.  And I would love to not feel too anxious about the procedure.  (Needles!  Scalpels!  Awake!)

Thanks!  And Happy Monday!

Are you sure?

I just liked this series of photos.  I don't know what Evan is telling Lydia, but I'm not sure she believes him.

Sweetness!

I just can't get over how sweet this girl is!

She currently sucks and chews on anything possible. So, when she folded over from a sitting position, she found her foot near her mouth and took advantage of her situation.

More examples:

This Morning

This is where I found the kids when I got out of the shower this morning:

This boy loves reading.  He is hard to communicate with for a full week after each library trip.

Birthday Party

I'm wimpy when it comes to birthday parties and houses full of boys.  We had fun, though.  (It helped that Kendall took them to the pool for half the time.)  Eli and Evan each invited 2 friends and they had a great time.  We did a sub bar with real cans of pop and real bags of chips. (!)

Notice the 1 lone girl in the background.  She was completely entertained.  And, perhaps, shocked into silence.

These are some of the boys' best buddies right now.  They are some good kids and we're thankful for good friends.

Seven!

Is it just me, or is it CRAZY how old my kids are?!

Here Evan reads his card from Kendall and me.  He's getting to be a great reader! 

He requested cinnamon rolls for his birthday, so I obliged.  His supper request was rice and beans or Kraft Dinner.  I was disappointed that it was something so normal until Thursday evening rolled around.  It had been a busy week and I was so happy to just cook up a pot of mac 'n cheese and steamed broccoli!

Here the boys play Evan's new Battleship game while Lydia gives pointers.  And yes, I do believe Eli is peeking.

Sent to the Office

Today after school I gave the boys their snack and asked them what was interesting at school today.  They looked at each other.  Evan got a sly smile on his face.  Eli looked at Evan with a bit of pleading in his eyes.  Hmmm...  I was definitely more interested now than I was 30 seconds earlier.

Evan said, "Well, we got a 15-minute time-out.  Because of Eli!"

Yes, my perfect little angels were sent to the office.  But as the story came out, I could only laugh.  A lot.

As the story went, Eli went up to Evan at recess.  He opened his arms wide to give him a hug.  Evan wasn't prepared for the hug and the hug turned into a tackle.  (Imagine that.)  They landed on the ground and the "grouchy" playground monitor looked at them and barked, "To the office!  Now!"

So they went to the office.  No one was there.  Eli said he was just wishing for a "judge" with whom to plead his case:  "He's my brother!"  So they waited in the office with 2 other buddies who happened to be there for throwing snowballs.  No judge or other authority figure ever showed up to pronounce them innocent, so they waited until the bell rang and then went back to class.  The end.

I found great humor in that story.  I told them it was the funniest thing I had heard all day.  But, of course, even brotherly tackling is not a good idea at school.

Lydia Being Her Cute Self

 

Waking Up

Hide and Go Seek

Evan and His Sister

Evan loves his little sister.  In fact, I overheard him telling her, "I love you more than Eli, Mom or Dad."  I just let it slide.

The Poodle Shirt

Just in case you couldn't hear the conversation, here it is:

Kendall: How about you don't wear that poodle shirt anymore?  'kay?

Evan:  Why?  She doesn't look good in it?

Kendall:  I don't like poodles.

After the camera turned off the conversation continued:
Evan:  If we get a poodle, I want to cut it's hair like that.

Kendall:  If we get a poodle, I want to make it into a shirt.

Personally, I think Kendall's style advice is rather interesting, considering the little bit you can see of his choice of outfit.

9 Years Old!

Sunday was Eli's 9th birthday.  Crazy!  How has this happened?!

Here he starts the day out right: baked oatmeal and a liter of Dr. Pepper.

Lunchtime and the Dr. Pepper's still goin'!  He chose hot wings, cesar salad and poutine.  (Kendall deep-fried everything in his propane fryer.  Once again- delicious!  Why don't we deep-fry everything?!)

And even after the Dr. Pepper was all gone, the bottle stayed around.  It became a water bottle because what's cooler than drinking out of a huge pop bottle while listening to Toby Mac on your new discman!  (It's true- Eli got a discman for his birthday.  That was just an accessory for the new CD we gave him.  I feel a little bit bad about the discman, but Eli totally loves it.  And now that I think about it, it is kind of nice to not have Toby Mac blaring at all times.)

We watched a movie in the evening.  Isn't Miss Lydia such a cutie?  Notice her shirt from Aunt Karissa.  Kendall got her dressed before church and wanted her to wear a moose in honor of opening weekend for moose hunting.

 

And finally, a giggly gift-opening session:

Snow

So the Winter Storm Warning proved true.  We got lots of snow.  Lots of heavy snow.  Heavy enough that trees fell over and power lines were affected.  The power lines were affected enough that we lost hydro.  (That's what we call electricity up in these parts.)  We were without hydro for 27 hours.

That's a long time when it's cold.

Thankfully, we have a wood stove.  It's small, but it kept the house from getting too cold.  It also gave us a place to heat up soup and water for too many cups of hot chocolate.

The power went out Thursday afternoon, which made for an exciting last hour of school.  Kendall was at the hospital until 9:00, so the kids and I entertained ourselves downstairs by the woodstove.  I am assuming there was no school on Friday, since I couldn't actually check my email or listen to the radio.  At any rate, the boys didn't go.  On Friday a friend came over to commiserate and warm herself by our fire.  We had no water, so we had piles of dishes on the counter and some smelly toilets.  Yucky.

Thursday evening downstairs.

Preparing for a snowball fight.

All of Red Lake and the surrounding communities were without hydro.  I was sad that my husband's job didn't shut down like so many others.  But, it sounds like he was very needed at the hospital.  They, of course, kept going by generators.  People on home oxygen stayed at the hospital to continue with the oxygen.  There were already lots of patients and more weather-related accidents came in.
I can't say I was happy about the snow.  But Eli said, "I think I know why we lost power on Thanksgiving. (Thanksgiving was Monday.)  It was to see if we'd be thankful for the old way of doing things."  So that helped me to keep my complaining in check.

Winter Storm Warning

It's cold and it's snowing.  And there is a lot of snow in the forecast for the next few days.  Check this out. 

4 days ago we spent the day on the lake.  It was lovely.  And we knew that it was most likely our last chance like that.  Over the weekend there were still quite a few yellow leaves on the poplar trees in our back yard.  They're gone now.  One windy day was all it took.

So here I sit in the basement by a cozy fire while my new cloth diapers finish drying by the woodstove.  (What was I thinking?!  Cloth diapers are soggy and stinky!)  I sit here and watch the snow falling outside the window while listening to the crackling of a hot fire in the woodstove.  Sounds so cozy and peaceful, doesn't it?

Actually, I'm trying to not be mad at Kendall for this whole weather situation.  After all, the rational part of me knows he didn't make it snow on purpose. :)  Poor guy.  He has to take my wrath when Red Lake's weather is less than ideal.  For his sake, I'll try to work that wrath out by working on the annual closet switch.  Time to sort and purge and exchange the tank tops for sweaters...

P.S.  It is now 2 1/2 hours later.  Now that I have met friends for lunch and have my cup of Tim Horton's coffee, I am better equipped to enjoy the thought of a crackling fire and tolerate the thought of snow.