Yesterday I went to a scrapbooking day at the church. It was a chance for lots of female fellowship, but it ended up being a pretty hard day. It's true that sometimes you feel the most lonely in a group. I felt very alone and kind of had a stomachache a lot of the day.
Friendships just take awhile. Several weeks after moving here I naively told Kendall, "I'm going to give myself 4 weeks to feel comfortable around someone." I thought I was being generous and realistic. Well, I wasn't. It takes a long time. It isn't that people aren't friendly. People have been very friendly and happy to have us here.
But I'm realizing something: Friendliness is great and helpful and makes you feel somewhat welcome, but it isn't enough when someone needs friends. I think of many times at Siloam when someone new came. Kendall and I tried to do a decent job of introducing ourselves and meeting new people. There are people there that I was very happy to have and probably even said that to them. I enjoyed talking to them Sunday mornings and was happy when they showed up at other functions. But somehow I never got around to inviting them over. I wanted to and always meant to, but never got around to it. Now I wonder how lonely they felt.
I know it's summer and people are busy. People really have been friendly and I appreciate that a lot. But I'm also learning some lessons from this side of things that I hope I can keep with me.
And this morning I prayed that this lonliness won't be wasted. I want to make the most of it and learn what God has for me in it. I want to learn a new level of dependence on God when I don't have a lot of friends here to confide in.
On the cheerier side, I still usually feel hopeful about certain relationships here. I think there is potential for good friendships. Kendall and I just need to do some of the initiating instead of waiting on others to initiate. And when I talk to Iris about some of this I am aware of people like her and Carmen who are living cross-culturally. Their friendships with other women will have many different challenges and probably take much longer to develop than my friendships. So I will try to keep feeling hopeful and grateful even when I feel lonely.
4 comments:
Thanks for being real, Karen. It's a good reminder for me about how new people at church may feel. Take care.
hey karen, i really appreciated your blog. i'm thinking there are gonna be some lonely times (along with some really good times) starting at IWU too but it's a great challenge to think about what God wants to teach me IN THAT.
so i'm confused about what days you went camping, but how was it? and how was Dryden?
love you karen!
-kirst
oh yea... the other thing i've been thinking about with loneliness karen, is that it seems so much easier to talk confide in people i already know when i'm feeling lonely, but sometimes that's a great way to bond with new people. i don't know how that works for you right now, but may you find great people in red lake to share with!
Dearest neice Karen,
Oh how I can relate... retlationships take time... and sometimes it's hard to wait! Today it's Labor Day and I am at home alone b/c Charlie is working! I took myself on a long hard bike ride, going up and down hills... feeling my upper thighs burn with exhaustion and realizing just how out of shape I am in... so much for doing the Hilly Hundred this Oct. My goal is next fall... just be encouraged my dear friend... that you are not alone... I believe God uses these times of wilderness wonderings to teach us total dependence on Him... Could I have your telephone #? I would simply love to talk... much love marilyn
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