The Dermatologist

Thursday I had an appointment with a dermatologist in Kenora.  The appointment was for a complete check-over, a "full-body scan."  I'm still a bit flabbergasted by the whole thing.

First of all, the roads were HORRIBLE.   A complete sheet of ice.  Salt on the roads doesn't work when it's below -30 or something.  And it had been terribly cold for days, so any build-up on the road was hopelessly frozen there.  And it was -38 that morning.  That's cold.  Like he always does when we travel these roads in the winter, Kendall threw his boots, a tow rope and a shovel into the van.  This time we also added his snowpants and a snowsuit for Lydia.  It's just not weather you want to be stranded in.  Or worse.  (And yes, we took it slower than normal.  And no, I didn't cheat like we often do and take Lydia out to nurse her while we were driving.)

Anyway, back to my appointment.  I got to the hospital where the dermatologist from Winnipeg was borrowing an office for the day.  When I got called in to the office, I walked into a small room with a desk and 2 chairs facing the desk.  One of the first things the male doctor said to me was, "Well, this is the part where you get to strip down naked for me!"  Are. You. Kidding.  (Let me just say, I am so, so thankful that there was a female med student in the room with us.  Who, by the way, looked at me apologetically several times for this very strange doctor.)

I sort of laughed.  "Heh.  Heh.  Heh.  Right here?"  The doctor said, "This is all we got."

I was confused about his stripping down instructions.  (As I sat there in the chair facing his desk.)  So I decided to take it slow.  I started with just my shirt.  (Which is a lot, by the way!)  That seemed to be sufficient.  He came around behind and looked at my neck, shoulders and back.  Then he told me I could put my clothes back on.  Wait!  Should I be relieved or not?  I thought this was a full-body scan to make sure I don't have any suspicious spots!  I was wanting peace of mind from being checked over.  In the end, however, I just couldn't bring myself to ask for permission to strip down more.  (He did ask me to lift one pant leg later, to check that lower leg. ?!)  So, so weird.

So nothing too concerning, except that I am covered in "lentigos."  He wrote that down for me on a little piece of paper.  He also wrote down "bilabong" as his way of suggesting some sunwear I might like since I "have a good form."  Creepy!  He said my husband would like it.  It's surfer style.  Ew.  (That was one of the times the med student gave me a very apologetic look.)

So I tried to ask about sunwear- sunglasses and such.  That took him off on a huge rant about China.  I'm not kidding.  He started talking about how horrible the Chinese are and how dermatologists have worked for years to get regulations in place and now our government lets the Chinese make everything and who knows what they're doing with the things they make for us.  At least he had the decency (?) to stop himself mid-sentence and say, "Neither of you two have any Chinese in you, do you?"  Then it was back to the rant. 

Back to my rant now...  I'm not sure if he was trying to employ a scared-straight tactic with me or what, but he made a point of making a point that my skin is very sun-damaged.  He held up my two arms for the med student to see.  He showed her the underside of one- "36-year old skin" and the top side of the other- "56-year old skin."  When I showed him 2 spots I was concerned about he said, "Those are age warts."  Age warts!  Eww!

So I left that appointment in the clear, but with a mix of feelings.  I was laughing about the absurdity of the doctor, I was feeling relieved that there was nothing to be worried about (on my back and left calf, anyway), and I was feeling grossed out- by both the doctor himself and by me and my lentigos and age warts and 56-year old skin.

So, I'm happy to report that I'm fine and only minorly traumatized.  I am sad to report that I am old.  Glamour Shots, anyone?