Flabbergasted

This was me this morning. Yes, that is a whole pile of parenting books with paper to take notes and a highlighter to highlight.

I am at my wit’s end with parenting. (Note the family picture behind me. It's been that way for days and somehow fits how I feel.)

Not that I don’t enjoy our kids. I do very much enjoy them. It’s just that they flabbergast me. There are some issues that I think need to be nipped in the bud. And I have no idea how.

It’s not the all-out fighting that bothers me. (Complete with “cannonballs”- a direct quote from Eli the Avenger- onto the other’s stomach. I know- it’s horrible and that’s why we were flabbergasted.) It’s not the recent shoplifting that bothers me. (That was Evan yesterday. I had no idea, but he apparently wanted me to know by last night when he came up to me sheepishly rattling the keychain in his pocket. Today after school we took the keychain back to the store. He handed it to the owner- thankfully a good family friend- and apologized, nearly bringing me to tears of pride and compassion and love.) It’s not even the fact that on several occasions, when asked what he wants to be when he grows up, Evan has said, “A bad guy.”

It’s the attitudes behind everything that are really bothering me. They fight and at times amaze me with their violence, but over all of that, they really are best buddies, brothers to the end. Sure, Evan was a little filcher yesterday, but he was very willing to return the item, even if it was hard. And… okay, the “bad guy” thing does sort of bother me.

It’s the attitude.

Like when Evan was demanding something after he was in bed. When Kendall and I refused to give in, he came out to the living room and with great deliberation stated in no uncertain terms that if we didn’t give in to his demands, “I’ll bite you.” Or when he refused to back down after stating the classic, “You’re not my boss.” Sometimes, I’ve agreed with that statement, saying, “That’s right, you are your own boss. You choose whether to make a good decision or a bad decision. And I give you the consequences you have to have.” But this time it just really ticked me off.

Sometimes I feel so behind in my mothering. Like I just need some time to sit down and brainstorm.

I need time to make resolutions: I will not yell. I will not get worked up. I will calmly deal with situations.

I need time to make a plan: When Evan once again comes out of his bedroom after being tucked in, I will_____________. When they are fighting like little gladiators, I will ______________.

I need time to think about issues: Is setting up a reward system just fueling our materialistic tendencies or a sense of entitlement? Is it right or wrong to make a child apologize? How do I incorporate Bible in a hopeful and helpful way, desperately trying to avoid making it religious or punishing?

I need time to make things: Another chart. A more creative chart. A poster. A toolbox.

Whew. Maybe I need to relax.

Of course I know that the most important thing is that they feel loved. And though Kendall and I don’t always handle our frustration in the best way, I know Eli and Evan are confident in our love for them.

I also know that we really need to work on attitudes in this home- all of us. I just so often feel at a loss. I often feel like my frustration is blocking me from working with my kids in a helpful way. And sometimes I’m just plain flabbergasted.

So I will end with hopeful words: “And now, may the God of peace, who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, equip you with all you need for doing his will.” Hebrews 13:20-21

Cheers! To finding a balance! (And to finding the perfect parenting book! You know, the one with the 7 simple, effortless and painless steps to creating perfect children in 7 days or less. )


Here we are: Three flabbergasting fishermen and one behind the camera.