The Talk

We recently had one of the more hilarious conversations of our 10 ½ years of parenthood.

Eli made the “mistake” of asking what tampons were.  And there it began.  Kendall took lead and explained in simple and brief terms what a period is.  Catching the concept that having a period meant you were not pregnant, Evan, who is always wanting me to be pregnant, asked, “Has mom already had her period this month?”  I told him that I’m not pregnant.  Evan said, “You could be.  You could have just gotten pregnant.  You don’t know.”  Kendall had been gone since Monday, just getting back that same night in time for youth group.  I was quite certain I didn’t just get pregnant.  At this point I began to giggle uncontrollably.  Eli began to protest.  When his protests went unheeded, he began to cover his ears in misery and say, “Lalalalalalala.”

Evan was thoroughly enjoying the whole conversation.  He was laughing and just not getting it.  Kendall explained that it takes a man to get pregnant.  Yes, Evan knew that.  But why wouldn’t I be pregnant just because Dad has been gone all week?  Do they have to be touching or something?  The lalalalalaing from the top bunk intensifies.  I’m literally crying with laughter. 

So Kendall tries to start at the beginning: You know your testicles?  “Yes.”  Well, that’s where sperm is made.  “ Eww!  So it comes out like poop!?”  No! Sperm has nothing to do with poop.  “Oh, that’s intestines.”  Your testicles are those two balls.  “Oh!”  (I’m sure he knew that.)  Your testicles make sperm and then it comes out.  “Where does it come out?  Do they open up?”  No, sperm comes out of the penis.  “They’re connected?!”  By this point, Evan was loving the conversation. It had become hilarious for everyone involved.  (Except not at all for Eli.  He was still covering his ears wailing and moaning in agony.)

Apparently we needed more background information than we thought.  So we back up and try to start even more at the beginning:  Have you heard of sex?  “Yes.”  What do you think it is?  “You know (giggling embarrassment), when you’re married…”  So are me and Dad having sex right now?  “No, it’s like when you love each other…”  (?!)  Well, the penis and vagina go together to have the sperm and egg meet.  “What?! They just go together?  How do you know?”  Well, you put them together.  (At this point Eli is beside himself in anguish.  I am still laughing hysterically and wiping tears.  Kendall is holding it together.  And Evan is thoroughly enjoying the conversation.) 

Evan was astounded at this new mind-boggling information.  He laughingly urged us to do it right then.  He even gave us permission to go to our room or something.  This kid is desperate for a new baby in the house.

Poor Eli.  Now that the worst appeared to be over, he moaned, “Why did I ask about tampons?  What are we going to talk about next?  Puberty?!”  Kendall jokingly started in on the new subject matter, sending him diving back under his pillow.  Evan loved the fact that this fascinating conversation (and bedtime stalling) was possibly going to continue.  He quickly piped up, “What’s puberty?!”  We put an end to it.  That conversation will be saved for another time.

I wiped my tears and Kendall and I left the room.  As we walked out I heard Evan still finding everything funny.  He asked, “Eli, were you praying that we would stop talking about that?”

The conversation was a great way to end the day.  I never expected The Talk to be so hilarious and entertaining.  I guess it ended up being a family bonding moment.

Things That Make Me Laugh

Kendall is on a reserve up north this week.  He does retinal screening- taking pictures of people's retinas with some fancy camera.  He sent the following email to his office back home.  He forwarded a copy to me as well.  Just for giggles.

So, I ‘m up here in Big Trout trying to do retinal screening.  It seems that not many people are wanting to come in.  It’s not that unusual for people to be slow to come in, but seems worse than sometimes.  This morning the nurses were laughing about something and one of them clued me in.  Apparently  there was some confusion as a lot of people were understanding “rectal screening” instead of “retinal screening” when Charlene was calling through the list of people.  Now it makes sense, no wonder nobody wanted to come  J  And it makes me a little suspicious of the few people who did come in  J

Anyhow we had a good laugh and I thought I’d pass it along.

Make sure you enunciate well today J

Kendall

So that provided a smile for me today.

As long as I'm thinking of recent funny things...Lydia.  Just Lydia.  She is cracking us up lately.  The other day she came up behind me and handed me a clean diaper with her "Ew" face.  That means, "I pooped."  Okay fine, I'll change you.   Lydia walks away and I turn around to see her COMPLETELY NAKED WITH POOP SMEARED ON HER BARE BOTTOM!  Found the discarded diaper in the hall.  I cleaned her up, then crawled through the hall with a wipe, looking/feeling for any stray bits of poop in the carpet.  (Gross, I know.  Can't help it- I'm a mom.)  Pretty soon Little Miss Helpful crawls up beside me with her own wipe, scrubbing at the carpet.

Lydia copies so much of what we do.  I can't remember that about the boys.  She has joined in an all-out temper tantrum by an older brother.  She followed him right out of the room, yelling and stomping behind him.  She has joined right in with me when I was yelling at talking sense into the boys.  She laughs (it looks like mocking) when a group of people laugh out loud.  She does push-ups with me.  She imitates how people sit and use their hands to talk.  It's hilarious, but dangerous.

Last week we went to a funeral Pikangikum (a reserve about 2 hours away by winter road).   The mother of a childhood friend of Kendall's had died.  So we went with Lydia and another couple from Red Lake.  The funeral was such a cultural experience.  But even in a different culture like that, I'm pretty sure Lydia's behavior was not funeral-appropriate.  When the music started, she began to clap wholeheartedly.  Then she was sitting on my lap facing everyone behind us.  And she began to glare.  She had her eyes locked in one place (probably on someone?), lowered her head and glowered.  Without ceasing.  Until I would tickle her or tell her to say hi.  Then she would break it, smile and wave.  So I really don't know if someone was teasing her, smiling at her, if she saw someone she didn't like or if maybe she just decided a funeral is a good time to practice her angry look.

So those are some of the funny things lately.  Not everything has been funny.  For one thing, it got cold again.  Currently the wind chill is -33.  We have a wind chill warning for tonight and tomorrow morning- possibilities of -40 to -45.  I guess that's kind of funny.  In an awful sort of laugh-so-I-don't-scream kind of way.  Also Lydia bit her friend this morning.  That wasn't funny.  Also, Eli has a science fair project due on Monday.  That's not funny either.

Thursday's Playdate

Meet Lydia's best buddy, Tirzah.

These two girls just love each other.
They get so excited to see each other.
They giggle and imitate.
They are just so sweet together.


And they do this:

A lot.  This is a very common sight.  (And yes, I do feel a little bit bad about taking this photo rather than breaking it up.  But only a little.)  When they have a disagreement, it is a HUGE deal.  Until it's over.
The following photo was taken approximately 30 seconds after the first photo.

And this one, 30 seconds later:

Crazy kids.  Recently, Tirzah's mom, also Karen (In addition to our names, we also have look-alike vans and almost look-alike husbands, by the way) told me that sometimes she just watches and waits when they get into it.  So the two girls started screaming and we just watched.  And finally one of them wrenched the coveted toy out of the other one's hands, set it down and they both happily went on their way, the toy forgotten.  So maybe that's a way to take care of it.  Then they learn that they still like each other, no matter who wins.

Of course, there are other spats like today when we were in the basement.  I heard the phone ringing and ran upstairs to answer it.  While I was talking I heard the screaming and wailing start up in the basement.  It went on for a few minutes as I finished up my call.  That one definitely needed intervention.

Another time today, Lydia claimed a block that Tirzah wanted.  She grabbed it and walked off, in defensive mode.  She heard Tirzah moving behind her and took off, sure that Tirzah was after her.  (She wasn't.)  Then she marched over to the toy box, opened it and deposited the block.  Apparently she didn't care to play with the block, just wanted to make sure that Tirzah couldn't have it.

Oh well, it doesn't bother me too much.  The boys think Lydia and Tirzah must be worst enemies.  I explained that No, they love each other.  They're just figuring things out.  And in the van later, the two were goofing off and cracking each other up.

P.S.  Could I just have a moment to brag about the above-mentioned toy box?

Isn't it beautiful?  I'm so happy with it.
Now, lest I give the wrong idea that I'm amazingly creative and this creativity fuels my life and overflows from deep within my very being, I'll just tell you that that's not the case.  I am ashamed to admit that it was months ago that I asked my dad to build this toy box.  He did his part and completed it in a few days.  Then it sat in the garage mocking me for not getting around to painting it.  Meanwhile a laundry basket another toy box in the living room held all the toys.  (And whatever else got thrown into it in a rush to tidy up.)
But whatever the case...It's here now.  We love it.  When Tirzah got here this morning, I told Lydia to show her her new toy box.  Lydia ran over to it shouting something (probably how much she loved it) and waving her hands around for emphasis.  Thanks Dad!

Sweetness

I don't know what happened here.  I came home and found her like this after an evening with all the boys. 

She wanted to wear Eli's underwear. 

She insisted on wearing her bathing suit on this day.  Halfway.  And one shoe. 

Helping Dad fix the dishwasher. 

Here she is dressed up for Christmas.  A funny story about this- She wasn't too excited about this fancy outfit, but after I got it on her, I heard her standing in front of the mirror oohing and ahhing.  Oh how sweet.  I went to take a peek- Oh.  She had Kendall's old baseball cap and was admiring how it looked on her beautiful head.  :) 

 I don't know why she likes to sit here.  But she does.

But look how sweet.

The Puddle

So today, Lydia "told" me she wanted to go pee.  Just for kicks, I grabbed the potty from the basement storage room and put it in the bathroom for her.  I took her diaper off and she had fun sitting on the chair.  No results, of course.  (I don't actually want to potty train her this early, by the way.  Diapers are just so much easier.)  She was being so funny waddling around with her tights around her ankles, that I ran to grab the camera.  I got back just in time to see her standing by her potty chair with a stream of pee falling onto the floor.  The video started rolling right when she finished peeing.  And here is the funny aftermath: